The past 15 months or so have not been very kind to the Wizard. A number of setbacks on the personal front, not to mention not seeing things go the way I'd like them to go on the political front, culminating in the possible passage of a major new expansion in federal power via President Obama's health care bill, all don't add up to much very good news.
And so it was that the Wizard was somewhat glad to close the book on the end of the first decade of the 21st century, discerning that maybe I'm not doing the best I can with my own life, when I learned of more awful tidings that came from the winds. I received word from a sister stating that my mother's one remaining sister suffered either a massive stroke or a heart attack. The word has it that she was walking back to her car from a night out with her friends (she had not been drinking, or otherwise been under drugs or medication). The story I've been told is that on the way back to the car, she stopped in mid stride and said, "I can't breathe!" She then collapsed to the ground on the edge of winter.
A fire station was several blocks away and help was summoned. She was brought back to life, but she had been without oxygen for many minutes. I received a call from my sister saying, amongst many things, that people are stopping by to say their last farewells and pay their respects. And so it is that the Wizard will be leaving tomorrow on a mighty drive to a far away place to see my mother's sister as she passes on.
I told my mother that her sister's meeting with the inevitable happened 27 years to the day when her own mother passed away, of fluid build up in her lungs. My mother said to me that my sister had noted this also. How strange the fates that take us.
And yet, my aunt's passing strikes me far harder than the death of my grandmother so many years ago. I did mourn all those years ago, but I've become aware that it is likely that I have fewer years left in this world than I have already lived. Yet, what have I done? Where has the time gone? What am I to do with the time I have left? How can I, in my own small way, make the world a better place than it was when I first was brought into it?
I went out on a four mile run along Westheimer the evening I heard the news. I will always remember how the sun was setting in the west as I ran home. Somehow, as I ran, it seemed to me that all the crap I deal with in my own life didn't seem to matter all that much. Indeed, it is only now, as I reach my middle age, that I am beginning to understand the true meaning of the words, may you rest in peace, because it is only at this time of my life that I've come to see that our souls never really will have true peace as long as we are of this world. I wonder - is that the origin of religion, of faith, or of the belief in God?
My aunt did not have the easiest of lives. My mother and her sisters grew up during the Depression and WWII on a family farm in a small town in southwestern Wisconsin. My grandparents eventually took regular jobs, but my aunt followed my mother to the bright lights and to the big city. Women in those days did not have all the opportunities that they do today, and she did mostly odd jobs to make do. She met her first husband, whom I barely remember, but that was not to be. However, she grew wiser and better at living as she became older and met a second man who was to be with her until he passed away five years ago.
Her second husband, I believe, was the best thing that ever happened to her. He worked in the cattle yards and slaughter houses, then drove a bus, ferrying handicapped children until he was felled by a stroke well into his 70's. They brought stability into each others' lives and they raised a foster daughter, the child of some former employers of hers, both of whom had passed onwards when the girl was small.
My aunt was wonderful at giving me Christmas clothes that I didn't want to wear, but once again she got better as she got older. I still have some sweaters she gave me from 20 years ago. They never went out of style and are nice and warm. We are supposed to go to church on Christmas Day. I think I will wear one as a tribute to her.
And so her life was. I now go to help clear what's left of her life, but the biggest thing I want to take with me are some photos or memories she may have left behind. I am sad, but in a way it was better for me that my aunt passed on before my parents did. I now have a warning of what I will feel like when my own parents leave this world forever and I know it will not be easy.
So did my aunt live a full life, and try in her own small way to make the world a better place? The answer in my own mind, no doubt, is yes she did. May she rest in peace.
Wizard
Posted by The Mighty Wizard at December 22, 2009 11:42 PM