It seems impossible to escape the onslaught of coverage surrounding the incarceration of Paris Hilton. The front page of the Houston Chronicle carried a photo of Ms. Hilton sobbing away at the prospect of spending a mere 45 days in the lockup, crying that it was "unfair". She looked like a six year old girl.
Since Ms. Hilton has made it impossible to escape paying any attention to Hollywood, culture, cinema or celebrity without having her vapid face appearing in front of the cameras, I made a conscientious decision a number of years ago to quit paying attention to what she was up to since she wasn't worth following anyway. She can't sing, she can't dance, she cannot act, she cannot paint or do computer wizardry. Ms. Hilton isn't even that good looking. As such, I had no real idea that Paris Hilton was even in trouble with the law. So I figured a timeline was in order so I could reconstruct the chain of events which has led to her incarceration:
1) Paris was stopped September 6, 2006 for driving under the influence.
2) Paris pleaded not guilty in January 2007 at her arraignment on the DUI charges. She ends up getting probation for DUI.
3) Paris then proceeds to get arrested again. This time it is because she failed to live up to the terms of her probation, which included not driving under a suspended license. She then refused to accept responsibility for the matter and blamed her publicist, saying that she had been told she could drive for work related reasons. Her mother called the sentencing disgusting.
4) Fans and arm twisters apparently made an appeal to California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to get him to commute the sentence. It appears that the Terminator refused to grant their demands.
Sorry folks, but the whole point of probations is to slap you on the wrist and let you off easy. Paris Hilton didn't even live up to something as simple as that. It's too bad that she won't be able to stay in one of California's more upscale lockups.
While watching Simon Schama's A History of Britain on the History Channel several years ago, Schama recounted that one of the better investments a well off man could make in 17th and 18th century Britain was to put money into prisons. That was because convicts were charged for the privilege of staying in their hotels from hell on a daily basis. The more money you put up, the better arrangements you got. You might have even had the chance to stay in a private cell with a pot to go to the toilet with, along with a barred window where you could toss out your - ahem - wastes. If you couldn't cough up, then you got to sleep with the rats and 30 other cell mates. You might have even gotten a chance to eat something during the day.
But it seems poor Paris won't get a chance to buy her way out of this one. I doubt she will be scared into behaving any better, but even I have occasionally been wrong. After all, any publicity is better than no publicity at all.
Posted by The Mighty Wizard at June 12, 2007 01:43 PM